break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
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