Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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