you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize