party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize