Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize