When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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