my mouth tastes like poor choices
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
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