she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I am midnight drunk by noon
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ya I guess if we compared our actions now with our actions 2 years ago. We are definitely in a constant state of shit showness.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
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