who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
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