i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize