Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize