Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Randomize