You're so nebulous sometimes
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
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I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
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I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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