The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize