idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
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