I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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