just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
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He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
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You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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