I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
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All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
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I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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