i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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