I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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