it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
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I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
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idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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