tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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