I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
It's shark week go big or go home
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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