piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
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