Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
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Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
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I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
me + whiskey = a bad person
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
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