i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize