your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
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Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
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