weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
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He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
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I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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