the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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