Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize