I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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