my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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