i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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