Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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