I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
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