This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
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