I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
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