Whod you bang
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
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You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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