Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So here I am, sexting at work.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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