Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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