There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
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of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
Shame - the story of my life.
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