I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize