I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
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We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Can vaginas get frostbite?
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Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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