If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Randomize