I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
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I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
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I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
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