Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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