Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
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you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
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Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
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