I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Randomize