Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
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He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
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my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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