dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
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